Women over 60 are the best (especially Texan women over 60). They give absolutely NO fucks. This demographic is our best option for our highest regarded political offices. In saying 'post-menopausal', I really mean women over 60. I know nothing about menopause, and don't plan on changing this until my wife begins this beautiful transformation herself. I just like the amount of syllables and rhythm of 'post-menopausal'. (No offense to women in their 40s/50s, but it seems like post-60 is when...

(ed note: This was a free-writing exercise that I composed a few years ago. In some ways, I was embarrassed of the ambitious voice and...

You could clothe your body with this shirt. Last week, I signed up for my first stand-up comedy open mic. The only audience was the other...